Saturday, September 12, 2009

What Was That Again?

Several years ago a column appeared in Ann Landers about silly questions asked by attorneys in court proceedings. My mother had saved the article, and I recently came across it. With all due apologies to Go Figure, here are some of those questions and answers.

1. attorney " now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, that he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2.attorney "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

3.attorney "Were you alone or were you by yourself?"

4.attorney "You were there until the time that you left, is that true?"

5. attorney" Doctor, how many of your autopsies were performed on dead people?"
Doctor " All of my autopsies were performed on dead people."

6. attorney " You were shot in the fracas?"
witness " No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

7. attorney " Do you recall the time that you examined the body?'
doctor " The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
attorney " And Mr, Dennington was dead at that time?'
doctor " No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

8. attorney " So, the date of conception was August 8Th?'
witness " Yes"
attorney " And what were you doing at that time?"

9. attorney " the youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

There are lots of others, but these were the best. The wheels of justice spin on.

3 comments:

Go Figure said...

Cedar: At least you could have given me credit for the 2 or 3 that I came up with. One has to remember that in law, like other professions, 50% of the lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class. I know, for a fact, that some of the people I went to school with could not have graduated from Wa-Ha. (Well, come to think of it...I am not absolutely 100% sure that I did...but don't tell anyone...okay?)

Cedar Street Kid said...

Wow, 50% of all lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class? No wonder the world is screwed.

And, GF, I figure all of these lawyers were criminal lawyers, so I am sure none of this applies to you.

MarmiteToasty said...

To dam funny.........I might print this off and give it to my solicitor LOL

x