Friday, July 17, 2009

Balancing The Budget-Not A Problem

Geesh, what is all of the hullabaloo about balancing the budget? For Pete's sake, it is so simple that Homer Simpson could do it! Here is the Cedar Street Kid's simple way to balance the budget, gleamed from my own personal experiences.

Let's say that I have a moderate income, average house payments, car payment, grocery bill, taxes, and on and on. No problem. But, today I pass a jewelry store and see a ring that I "must" have. And to my delight, the sign in the window says" easy credit terms, no payments for 6 months" Wow, my kind of deal. With the smug look of someone who knows that they can pull of the deal, I enter the store, and say"wrap it up, bub" I don't really need to look at the paper work, because, after all, the first payment is not due for 6 months.

I go to pick up the mail, and another miracle is in the box. Yes, sir, I am special because in the envelope addressed to me is the confirmation that I have arrived. For I have been pre-approved for a 10,000 credit card, no questions asked. Wow, in my mind I incorrectly observe that I have ten grand to spend anyway I like. Thanks, First National Bank for the money. Not to worry, low interest rate for 6 months, and they were even nice to send me a check all made out for eight grand. All that I have to do is cash it, and it is all mine. Can you say Hawaii vacation? Visions of beaches now dance through my head. Simple, they only want low monthly payments. Not a problem.I can still afford the payments, and it is still five months before the jewelry store payments come due. Not a problem. I have it under control.

After getting back from vacation where I have spent the entire "gift" of eight grand from First National, and maybe having dropped another 2 grand on misc. expenses over there, I have used up my ten grand limit. Not a problem, for there in the mail is another golden opportunity, for here is a Second National Bank offer in the box. Wow, another ten grand gift awaits me. I can start all over, cash their generous five grand check, and go to Vegas. Not a problem. And, i still have 4 months before the jewelry store bill comes due. Not a problem.

I go to the Post Office, and there is my first statement from First National Bank. Hm, guess they wanted their money back after all. Oh well, how much of a payment could it be. I rip open the statement, and my eyes bug out. Wait, what's this? $35.00 over the limit fee, and a 29.99percent interest rate on the eight grand check! I thought that they had said a low interest rate. But there, o the bottom of the statement, there is a tiny, almost unreadable sentence about the interest rate being higher on cash loans. Oh well, no problem. I will use the Second National Bank card check to help pay the First National Bank card. Not a problem.

Well, after the Third National Bank and Fourth National Bank cards miraculously arrive just in time, I am once again on a roll.And I have learned how to balance.
It is so easy. You simply use Second National to pay First National, and Third National to pay Second National, and Fourth National to pay Third National. Now, when Fourth National is due, you go to your friendly Money Tree Store, and borrow against your paycheck. Easy way to go, and the interest rate is only 500 percent. So you ge t payday loan to pay Fourth National, to pay Third National to pay Second National, to pay First National. Not a problem.Easy as counting to one.

So you see, you too can balance your budget easily. I think that I will send my method ot Congress to help balance the National budget. Whoops, wait a minute, they are already using that method, and the President says to us "Not A Problem".

4 comments:

MarmiteToasty said...

LOL can you believe that some people are actually dumb enough to live like that......

I have friend that are up to their eyese in huge debt, yet both them and their partners work full time and have good jobs.... and still they go out to eat twice a week and spend $40 a week on the lottery and still moan about debt etc.... and they buy something on credit and before thats even paid for they MUST have the newest biggest telly and so the stone rolls....

and they cant understand and little old me, with my tiny single wage and a single parent with a mortgage and the same bills and taxes as them, aint got a penny of debt to me name, unless you call me mortgage a debt, which I dont.....

Ive never dont the MUST HAVE malarkie..... Ive always waited and saved and paid cash for anything we NEEDED..... even me car when I had to replace it....

Why? COS I would hate to have to pay someone interest on a loan from my hard earned money, just cos of greed and WANTING to up with the jones.... I like not owing anyone anything....... and blimey now being self employed and not working due to surgery, Im on the bare bones of me arse, and still I have my Jacob to support etc and all the bills etc..... but before I went into debt I would sell some of me antique clocks or babble on Ebay (oh I do that anyways lol)..... say NO to credit cards.... unless its life threatening......

if one aint got enough money for food, then steal it. Believe me Ive been there, when my Tosser X first left me with 4 kids under 16, he cleared out the bank accounts and the little savings we had, and took all me jewellery and left us without a penny to our name.... I was working, but my first priority was to keep a roof over my 4 sons heads, so, we had only pennies for milk and bread, and as horrible as this is gonna sound..... I use to take my boys to the HUGE supermarket after school and tell them to GO EAT YOUR DINNER..... they would walk around the shop eating what they needed to fill their bellies, we did this every other day for weeks, they only could eat cold things like sausage rolls and crisps and apples.... and they only ate every other day, the day inbetween they went hungry..I would make a list of every penny they ate knowing I would pay it back one day, we talked about how wrong it was but also that we had no choice.. my older 2 would walk the 3 1/2 miles to school and back cos I didnt have the bus fare to get them to school.....

Am I ashamed of what I had to do..... nope.... Im not....

Anyways Ive said way way to much LOL and I'll probably delete this tomorrow :)

So, its all about self control with most debt, and learning not to want things but only get what you need....

x

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