Boy, you never knew what might show up in the "Lost and Found"department. Lost and Found is an intricate part of any hotel's operation.What an interesting collage of junk! Of course, as the old saying goes,"one man's junk is another man's treasure".There were the usual assortments of shampoos,toothpastes,some very unique underwear,robes,shoes,shirts, blouses,pants, jogging outfits,deodorants,condoms,combs,cell phone chargers,pornographic magazines, razors by the dozens,family pictures, newspapers,jewelry,sometimes there was money, and of course,breasts.Yes,you heard me right. I will get back to that item in a few minutes.
Those of you who read my earliest,clumsy attempts at blogging know that I don't like to use a dictionary, but I prefer to decipher a meaning of a word or phrase by common sense. I like to relate the word to life experience and find a meaning that makes literal sense to me. The operative word here is "Cross-Dresser"Come on, I am a Wallace kid, what would I know about such things.So, what is a cross-dresser?Obviously, it must be some type of religious person,right?I mean,taking the two components of this word,cross, and dresser, I could only think of a priest, or perhaps a nun.Or maybe a Christian who wears a cross on their lapel, or maybe a nice piece of jewelry, or maybe a professional baseball player who wears those three hundred pound chains while pitching. Or maybe it was the guy who strode up and down Aurora Avenue day after day with a huge wooden cross strapped to his back yelling that the end is near.I don't know, maybe there was one other definition. Let's see.
It was a regular kind of guy who checked in that April night.Regular meaning he wasn't dressed in gang clothes, wasn't carrying a pager,and had proper ID and the mandatory credit card.All seemed okay. I was working th long day, meaning about sixteedn hours that day. I soon forgot this particular guy, and went about business as usual.The night wore on, the hours tickd slowly by.
My back was turned to the door, and I was occupied doing some reservations on the computer when I heard a ladies voice say"Hi, remember me?" I turned around, expecting to see some lady that I had either checked in before, or least someone I knew from the past.No, I did not recognize the person standing in front of me. She was tall, and kind of broad shouldered. She was smiling at me , her eyes hinting some sort of mischief was afoot. I again scanned her face, and that was when I realized that there was something different about this"lady". She had a five o'clock shadow!She spoke again and said"remember, I checked into room 112 this afternoon?" Yes,I remember checking a man into Room 112 this afternoon, but this person looked nothing like him. She, He, was laughing by now.
Noting the look on my face, she then proceeded to tell me that every few months a group form Portland came to Seattle for a convention of men that like to dress up like women. OK, I don't care, whatever floats their boat is fine with me. My girls,housekeepers, loved cleaning those rooms after these "conventions' I heard all kinds of stories about dresses, garters,etc. left behind in the rooms.You never knew what they would find. I mean, you ,REALLY,never knew what they would leave behind.! next
The next afternoon after my guest had left,I was down in the back office when one of my housekeepers,Vanessa came into the office with a the biggest grin on her face.",Hey Boss,close your eyes and hold out your hands." Now, Vanessa was known for her pranks, so I was a little reluctant to comply.She insisted again, so I with trepidation, closed my eyes and held out my hands.I was sorry that I did, for in my hands were two perfectly formed breasts. They were so life like that it was spooky. Vanessa was laughing her head off at the incredulous look on my face.
"What room did these come from?"I managed to croak out. Room 112 was her answer. Well, there was only one thing to do, so, I dutifully logged them in the lost and found book, and placed them in the closet. I figured that was the end of the matter.After all, who would call for them, and what would they ask for if they did call.The answer came about one week later."Hi, this is----------, I was in room 112 last week, and I left something in the room." Struggling to keep from choking , I asked in my professional voice"and what item did you leave, sir?"You guessed it."I left my two breasts in the room."Now, I ask you, how do you reply to this?"They are very expensive",he volunteered."Could you send them to me?"
Well, that was our usual custom, so I said we would. I boxed them up, went to Mail Box Etc,and said I wanted to send a package. The clerk went through the usual anything breakable, or explosives, or anything made of glass? I answered no to each question and then blurted out"Just a couple of breasts."
Sorry, I don't have any pictures to post this time like I did with the Chicken Man or the Little People.Just another day on Aurora Avenue.