The financial whirlwind crises is very confusing to many folks out there. There are so many terms being thrown around in the media that it would make Linda Blair's head spin around again! Well, not to worry my friends. Times will indeed be tough, but if you are educated in the terminology, and what investments to make, you will not only not lose, but you will be a big winner in the coming crash. I have defined the terms of basic market and economic principals, and how to invest your money. You can't lose---trust me (:)
1. Recession-what my hair has been doing for many years now.OK, recession are no fun, but you can live through it, trust me! So, in the course of a world wide recession, I strongly suggest that you invest your money in Rogaine stock. It is a "can't miss" investment. Not only will you make a fortune on your return, you will look better, too.
2. Depression-what the doctor says you have when he or she prescribes "Prozac".Remember that we are all depressed at sometime or another.So, the Great Depression must have been when everyone was walking around on meds.The depression came to a halt when Roosevelt came up with a new deal followed by a world war, and everyone felt better and were no longer depressed.. What a deal! My stock tip for the coming depression?-Pharmaceuticals
3. sub-prime- a bad piece of meat-well, who would want to buy a sub-prime steak in the first place? No wonder banks are in trouble! Buy Black Angus stock-and you will have prime rib tonight.
4. Commodities-those little round porcelain things that we take care of Mother Nature's business.
Well, if you want to get into a sure fire thing, go into commodities. I suggest that you invest heavily in Honey Bucket. There will always be a need for this, no matter what the economic sitaution is.
5.stagflation-what you get when the strip clubs close down-my suggestion during stagflation is to invest heavily in the porno market
6. credit crunch-what happens when you do your ab workouts sitting on your wallet in a recliner-this is the perfect time to invest in those infomercials on tv.
So as you can see, even in difficult times, you can emerge richer, healthier, and with a full head of hair when you invest right.
Happy Recession to all, and to all a good night.