Growing Up Wallace,Memories of the way we were- and anything else that crosses my mind.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

What Do You Say To A Naked Lady?

Imagine for a moment that you enter a room and right before your eyes is a woman, or man, and they are completely naked. What would you say?Here are some possibilities to consider."Hi, nice to see you."Another possibility is," love your outfit, is it an original?" Or how about "didn't know it was your birthday." You could say"I have an outfit just like that." How about"your shoes match your outfit perfectly. And lastly, you could say "hope to see you again."

Seriously, what would you say? This happened to me more than once in my long hotel career.The most likely place for this to happen is when the hotel has a pool and sauna. Somehow when some people check into a hotel they leave all inhibitions at the door. What changes happen, I don't know, but something indeed does happen. I suppose there is some deep psychological reason for such behavior, and maybe there have even been studies done. I do know that it is a regular happening at many hotels. I promise to not get too graphic, but I will share a couple of incidents with you.

It was late at night, and I was new on the job. As a matter of fact, it was one of my first hotel jobs at a very nice hotel in Salem,Oregon.I was doing the night audit,pre-computer days.The night audit at a large hotel took most of the night to do. I really loved this place. We had a full lounge with live music, a wonderful restaurant, pool,weight room,sauna,etc.

The front desk phone rang, and the guest on the other end asked if there was room service at that hour. I told him the restaurant and lounge were closed for the night, and how could I help him. He just wanted coffee for two brought to his room. He then told me he would make it worth my time if I could find a way bring up the coffee. Well, I am not opposed to making a few extra bucks, so I told him I could arrange it.I used the pot that we had in the back for the employees, and got out our best cups and saucers. Might as well get the best tip possible, right?

Coffee in hand, I took the elevator up to the third floor and knocked on the door. After a moment I heard a man's voice say,"be right there".The door opened, and standing in front of me was a totally nude guy. He seemed not the least bothered by the fact that the flag was flying at full mast. "Put the coffee over there by the bed" he intoned. Averting my eyes as best as possible, I took the coffee cups over to the bed. There, the second surprise of the night awaited me.Yes, you guessed it. Sprawled on top of the bed was a totally naked woman. Shaking, I placed the two cups of coffee on the night stand and looked for the quickest exit out of the room. The nude man walked up to me, laughed and handed me a ten dollar bill."Have a good night, and happy sex" he said as I left. Now, I ask you, what was that all about? This was a first, but by no means the last time that this would happen over the next thirty years.

I have often wondered what kind of kick these folks got out of this. Were they exhibitionists, did they just want to see the look on my face? What, I ask you, would you have said.?I said the only thing possible."Have a good night." Somehow, I knew that they would.

Several years later I was working in a hotel that had a gorgeous pool just off of the lobby. There was a door leading to the pool, and the pool had lights on the bottom that shined up from the water.The pool closed at ten P.M. I had locked up everything for the night and was once again doing the books when a female guest came down to the front desk and asked if she and her friend could go for a late night swim. I was not a sticker for the rules, never have been, so I told her no problem, but I would have to keep the overhead lights off so that no one else wold know that there was someone swimming that late. She agreed, and went back to her room. I unlocked the pool door, went back to the desk and continued my work.I head someone come down, but I didn't look up, and then the door to to pool opened.

About thirty minutes later the switchboard rang. I noticed that it was the phone from the pool room. I answered it, and a female voice asked if I could bring out some towels to the pool. Sounded innocent enough, I thought. I gathered up the towels and went out to the pool.There in the pool were two nude women standing right over the lights on the bottom of the pool.. Once again I averted my eyes as much as possible and started to place the towels on one of the pool chairs."Could you please bring t hem over here,"one of the ladies asked. She then rose up out of the water, and said"why don't you join us?" Now, I am not a prude, and I was single at the time, but as much as a I wanted to, I wanted to keep my job even more. I laughed and said that I would love to, but I would lose my job if anyone found out. She asked again, but I held firm.

I left the pool room, hands shaking, face burning, and went back to the desk. After several minutes I heard the ladies leave the pool and go back upstairs. About an hour later the switchboard again rang, and it was the room of the pool ladies. They had had a chance to sober up a bit, and one of them wanted to know if I had seen"anything" Of course, I had, but I assured her that I didn't see a thing, and I hoped that she had a good sleep.

There are other stories, like the orgy I broke up, the couple making love in the pool, and on and on, but I won't bore you with details. you get the picture.

And still today, I wonder why people do these things, and what I would say the next time it happens. What, indeed, do you say to a naked lady?


Go Figure said...

Now that was interesting. Is it too late for me to go into hotel/motel training?

Cedar Street Kid said...

Hey.G.F.-never too late. with your background it would be a piece of cake-they are always looking for a few good people.Trust me, there is never a dull moment.

Go Figure said...

Hey, are you implying I have a background with naked ladies? Yes, I will admit once as a deputy sheriff I was 'forced' to have several nude bathers remove themselves from Lake Cda to put on clothes, but that was in the line of duty.

Cedar Street Kid said...

yea,yea,mine was,too, but it sure was fun,wasn't it?