The financial whirlwind crises is very confusing to many folks out there. There are so many terms being thrown around in the media that it would make Linda Blair's head spin around again! Well, not to worry my friends. Times will indeed be tough, but if you are educated in the terminology, and what investments to make, you will not only not lose, but you will be a big winner in the coming crash. I have defined the terms of basic market and economic principals, and how to invest your money. You can't lose---trust me (:)
1. Recession-what my hair has been doing for many years now.OK, recession are no fun, but you can live through it, trust me! So, in the course of a world wide recession, I strongly suggest that you invest your money in Rogaine stock. It is a "can't miss" investment. Not only will you make a fortune on your return, you will look better, too.
2. Depression-what the doctor says you have when he or she prescribes "Prozac".Remember that we are all depressed at sometime or another.So, the Great Depression must have been when everyone was walking around on meds.The depression came to a halt when Roosevelt came up with a new deal followed by a world war, and everyone felt better and were no longer depressed.. What a deal! My stock tip for the coming depression?-Pharmaceuticals
3. sub-prime- a bad piece of meat-well, who would want to buy a sub-prime steak in the first place? No wonder banks are in trouble! Buy Black Angus stock-and you will have prime rib tonight.
4. Commodities-those little round porcelain things that we take care of Mother Nature's business.
Well, if you want to get into a sure fire thing, go into commodities. I suggest that you invest heavily in Honey Bucket. There will always be a need for this, no matter what the economic sitaution is.
5.stagflation-what you get when the strip clubs close down-my suggestion during stagflation is to invest heavily in the porno market
6. credit crunch-what happens when you do your ab workouts sitting on your wallet in a recliner-this is the perfect time to invest in those infomercials on tv.
So as you can see, even in difficult times, you can emerge richer, healthier, and with a full head of hair when you invest right.
Happy Recession to all, and to all a good night.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Pits Carlton-The Cast
Yes, the old Carlton was a novel waiting to be written, a patchwork of the down and outers, and masterpiece painting bidding it's time before someone splashed it on a canvas. It was composed like a symphony written by an angry, slightly insane, well, totally insane, composer with disharmonious chords, and a mishmash of polyphonic melodies intertwining, trying to meet, but never quite meeting. In other words, it was a mess.It was a sea of human misery, life stories dashed to pieces on the protruding boulders and cliffs of life. Dreams scattered in the winds of alcohol, drugs, disease, and mental illness. It was a fun place to work.
The cast of actors that were there when I began working there read like a combination of Alfred Hitchcock novels, The Twilight Zone, and Chevy Chase movies , all rolled into one. Here are the people and a brief description . Please remember this was in the early seventies before we became so politically correct, so I might use phrases that we no longer deem acceptable.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the cast starring in the "Pitts Carlton" Please save your applause until all of the cast has been introduced.
Wheel Chair Joe--It was hard to tell how big Joe really was because Joe had no legs. I am not familiar with all of Joe's story, and do not know how he lost his legs, but he seemed to be a pretty decent guy when he was not drunk. Joe served as our elevator operator. The Carlton had one of those old fashioned elevators that had to be operated by a human. Remember those? When a guest wished to go up, the operator had to ride with them, push the "go button" and then stop the ride exactly on the correct floor. This was no small task, and it required full attention or else the car might stop three feet short of the floor, or it might stop two feet above the floor. Either way, it was a tough first step for those passenger who do not land on exact spot of their floor. The old cage would moan and groan like a woman giving birth as it tried to rise to it's delivery.
One thing stood out about Joe over and above the lack of legs and the fact that he was wheel chaired bound. Joe had biceps the size of cannon balls.
Next, in the supporting cast was Top-Coat Tommy.Tommy was a senior man with a wispy white hair, a charming personality, and a contagious smile laced with a melancholy look that perhaps spoke of a genteel upbringing from long, long, ago. Tommy also had a love of sweets, especially fudge, and he always had on a top-coat.What he had on underneath the coat, I had no idea, and I was not sure that I wanted to know! Tommy's boyish charm could vanish like a quick flash flood when he dove into the bottle.
Please meet now Captain Bill. For the first few months that I was at the Carlton, I thought that Bill was the only "normal" person there. Bill was our maintenance man, and he was fresh out of Saigon University after several tours of our warring partner of the sixties and seventies. Bill, as his name implies h I had risen the ranks of captain, and he seemed bright, if not a little too egotistical. Keep in mind that I thought Bill was normal. At least that was what I thought at the time. Boy, was i in for surprise. Captain Bill would teach me a lesson later on that would change the entire course of my what profession that I would go in to.
Next, a Rose by any other name-Ah yes, Rose. Rose was the manger of Chuck's hotel, and worked the morning shift. Rose was a chain smoking, coffee guzzling woman who thought that if some cheap cologne smelled good, then the whole bottle sloshed over her middle-aged body must smell even better. So, now combining a whole bottle of cheap cologne, the constant smell of stale smoke, and coffee breath, well, you did not want to stand to close to Rose.
Next, welcome to the show, Indian Mike. Once again, I ask for your political tolerance with the name. That is what he answered to at the Carlton. I never knew his real name. He was actually an Eskimo and worked as a longshoreman at the Tacoma docks. He was always polite to me, and was a man of few words. It was his "niece" that I some serious questions about. For you see, Indian Mike lived in a one bed room with a young Eskimo woman youthful enough to be his daughter. She was introduced to me as his niece. I never saw her sober,and I never again saw her after the initial meeting with clothes on. OK, I realize that my last statement needs some explaining, which I will gladly do in another chapter.
On the 4th floor lived a burly black man, probably in his early sixties. This gentleman was known as Tiger Joe.Tiger got his nickname by virtue of the fact that he was once the 10th ranked Light Heavyweight Boxer in the world. Tiger paid his rent on time, and pretty remained aloof from the other hotel patrons. The only times that I would see him was when he came home from work, or when he left with the beautiful blond lady that shared his room. I never got close to her, either because, well, you know, you did not want to risk the ire of someone named Tiger, right?
The desk staff was comprised of some interesting folks, too. First,meet Bobby, the one who trained me on the desk duties of the Carlton. Bobby was a good looking young man with very polite manners. Well, I digress, I thought Bobby was a young man. But, more on that later, too.
Finally, for today, since my hands are growing weary, and my mind is strained from remembering names from so many years ago,let me introduce, the man who made this play all possible-yes, the man who directed the play, cast the characters, and played ringmaster to the circus that played on a daily basis at the Pits Carlton, and that man is none other than,now you can applaud loudly, ladies and gentlemen please give a Blog welcome to Uncle Chuck and his funny farm zoo.
next-a lesson to change my life.
The cast of actors that were there when I began working there read like a combination of Alfred Hitchcock novels, The Twilight Zone, and Chevy Chase movies , all rolled into one. Here are the people and a brief description . Please remember this was in the early seventies before we became so politically correct, so I might use phrases that we no longer deem acceptable.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the cast starring in the "Pitts Carlton" Please save your applause until all of the cast has been introduced.
Wheel Chair Joe--It was hard to tell how big Joe really was because Joe had no legs. I am not familiar with all of Joe's story, and do not know how he lost his legs, but he seemed to be a pretty decent guy when he was not drunk. Joe served as our elevator operator. The Carlton had one of those old fashioned elevators that had to be operated by a human. Remember those? When a guest wished to go up, the operator had to ride with them, push the "go button" and then stop the ride exactly on the correct floor. This was no small task, and it required full attention or else the car might stop three feet short of the floor, or it might stop two feet above the floor. Either way, it was a tough first step for those passenger who do not land on exact spot of their floor. The old cage would moan and groan like a woman giving birth as it tried to rise to it's delivery.
One thing stood out about Joe over and above the lack of legs and the fact that he was wheel chaired bound. Joe had biceps the size of cannon balls.
Next, in the supporting cast was Top-Coat Tommy.Tommy was a senior man with a wispy white hair, a charming personality, and a contagious smile laced with a melancholy look that perhaps spoke of a genteel upbringing from long, long, ago. Tommy also had a love of sweets, especially fudge, and he always had on a top-coat.What he had on underneath the coat, I had no idea, and I was not sure that I wanted to know! Tommy's boyish charm could vanish like a quick flash flood when he dove into the bottle.
Please meet now Captain Bill. For the first few months that I was at the Carlton, I thought that Bill was the only "normal" person there. Bill was our maintenance man, and he was fresh out of Saigon University after several tours of our warring partner of the sixties and seventies. Bill, as his name implies h I had risen the ranks of captain, and he seemed bright, if not a little too egotistical. Keep in mind that I thought Bill was normal. At least that was what I thought at the time. Boy, was i in for surprise. Captain Bill would teach me a lesson later on that would change the entire course of my what profession that I would go in to.
Next, a Rose by any other name-Ah yes, Rose. Rose was the manger of Chuck's hotel, and worked the morning shift. Rose was a chain smoking, coffee guzzling woman who thought that if some cheap cologne smelled good, then the whole bottle sloshed over her middle-aged body must smell even better. So, now combining a whole bottle of cheap cologne, the constant smell of stale smoke, and coffee breath, well, you did not want to stand to close to Rose.
Next, welcome to the show, Indian Mike. Once again, I ask for your political tolerance with the name. That is what he answered to at the Carlton. I never knew his real name. He was actually an Eskimo and worked as a longshoreman at the Tacoma docks. He was always polite to me, and was a man of few words. It was his "niece" that I some serious questions about. For you see, Indian Mike lived in a one bed room with a young Eskimo woman youthful enough to be his daughter. She was introduced to me as his niece. I never saw her sober,and I never again saw her after the initial meeting with clothes on. OK, I realize that my last statement needs some explaining, which I will gladly do in another chapter.
On the 4th floor lived a burly black man, probably in his early sixties. This gentleman was known as Tiger Joe.Tiger got his nickname by virtue of the fact that he was once the 10th ranked Light Heavyweight Boxer in the world. Tiger paid his rent on time, and pretty remained aloof from the other hotel patrons. The only times that I would see him was when he came home from work, or when he left with the beautiful blond lady that shared his room. I never got close to her, either because, well, you know, you did not want to risk the ire of someone named Tiger, right?
The desk staff was comprised of some interesting folks, too. First,meet Bobby, the one who trained me on the desk duties of the Carlton. Bobby was a good looking young man with very polite manners. Well, I digress, I thought Bobby was a young man. But, more on that later, too.
Finally, for today, since my hands are growing weary, and my mind is strained from remembering names from so many years ago,let me introduce, the man who made this play all possible-yes, the man who directed the play, cast the characters, and played ringmaster to the circus that played on a daily basis at the Pits Carlton, and that man is none other than,now you can applaud loudly, ladies and gentlemen please give a Blog welcome to Uncle Chuck and his funny farm zoo.
next-a lesson to change my life.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Pits Carlton
I was a young theology student at a private university in Seattle, and quite frankly, I was going to save the world, at least that was the plan at the time! We all were, the collective student body at that parochial school. We were young, freshly scrubbed, had all come from religious backgrounds, and we were ready to take on the world.
As all of you probably experienced, finances during the college years were to say the least, strained. So, I had to go to work. One of the members at the church that I attended, and coincidentally, a former Wallace resident whom my parents had known, owned a hotel in Tacoma. Chuck was his name, and he was a good man with a big heart. Chuck called me aside one day after service and inquired in a polite way about my finances. I told him that times were tough, and yes, I needed to make more money. And, with that, my hotel career was born.
It was one week before Christmas when I began working at the Carlton Hotel in Tacoma.Ah yes, the old Carlton Hotel. Picture for a moment if you will, the Davenport Hotel in Spokane. No, not the image of the splendid state it is in now, nor the majesty of it during the golden years of the thirties. No, picture it as a once splendid structure fallen on very hard times. Picture it as located in the seediest of areas, surrounded by bars, strip clubs, pawn shops, hookers, and pimps, and missions. That was the Carlton that I began my hotel career in.
The marble staircases were still there. The old chandeliers still graced the cathedral lobby. The front desk was made out of marble, and the old elevator still had the golden cage look of glory days gone by. It sounds like a great place to begin a new career in, right? Wrong. Instead of ladies and gentlemen in fine evening apparel as you would have found at the Davenport, and instead of sharply dressed doormen, and bellman, and instead of desk clerks wearing stiff collars and starched white dress shirts, the Carlton looked more like what it had become, and that was a hotel of derelicts, drug addicts, transsexuals, bums, drunks, and every type of low life that you could imagine, and those were just the employees! You should have see the "guests"!
Enter a young, naive, freshly dressed, innocent kid from Wallace. Yes, not all Wallace kids were wordly wise.In this maze of human misery, The Cedar Street Kid began a job that would later become his life's profession.
You have heard , of course, about the 'Ritz Carlton", well this was the "Pits Carlton"
next-the cast of characters who would change my life forever. Stay tuned, and don't change that dial.
As all of you probably experienced, finances during the college years were to say the least, strained. So, I had to go to work. One of the members at the church that I attended, and coincidentally, a former Wallace resident whom my parents had known, owned a hotel in Tacoma. Chuck was his name, and he was a good man with a big heart. Chuck called me aside one day after service and inquired in a polite way about my finances. I told him that times were tough, and yes, I needed to make more money. And, with that, my hotel career was born.
It was one week before Christmas when I began working at the Carlton Hotel in Tacoma.Ah yes, the old Carlton Hotel. Picture for a moment if you will, the Davenport Hotel in Spokane. No, not the image of the splendid state it is in now, nor the majesty of it during the golden years of the thirties. No, picture it as a once splendid structure fallen on very hard times. Picture it as located in the seediest of areas, surrounded by bars, strip clubs, pawn shops, hookers, and pimps, and missions. That was the Carlton that I began my hotel career in.
The marble staircases were still there. The old chandeliers still graced the cathedral lobby. The front desk was made out of marble, and the old elevator still had the golden cage look of glory days gone by. It sounds like a great place to begin a new career in, right? Wrong. Instead of ladies and gentlemen in fine evening apparel as you would have found at the Davenport, and instead of sharply dressed doormen, and bellman, and instead of desk clerks wearing stiff collars and starched white dress shirts, the Carlton looked more like what it had become, and that was a hotel of derelicts, drug addicts, transsexuals, bums, drunks, and every type of low life that you could imagine, and those were just the employees! You should have see the "guests"!
Enter a young, naive, freshly dressed, innocent kid from Wallace. Yes, not all Wallace kids were wordly wise.In this maze of human misery, The Cedar Street Kid began a job that would later become his life's profession.
You have heard , of course, about the 'Ritz Carlton", well this was the "Pits Carlton"
next-the cast of characters who would change my life forever. Stay tuned, and don't change that dial.
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I had always thought that there was some type of Divine order to this chaos. I always wanted to believe that everything happened for a purpo...
