Today, I flagged my own blog. Wow, that sounds a little risque,doesn't it?I just find certain words funny. Put several word together in a phrase, and, well, I am rolling on the floor.
As a seeker of truth,philosopher at large, and spiritual guru(in my own world), I found the answer to life,the evasive fountain of youth, the elixir of love, the true meaning of existence."
Green Acres.
"Green Acres".Yes, you heard me right.Watching four hours a day of Green Acres will cure what ails you. How can anything be wrong when you are laughing your butt off?Stupid?Yes!But oh so funny. The pure child-like innocence of Lisa. The absurdity of Oliver plowing his pathetic crops in a New York Lawyers suit.Eb,Mr.Haney(we have all known a Mr. Haney), and my personal favorite,Mr, Kimball.
Mr. Kimball-no television character has ever been more hysterically created than Mr. Kimball.
I drive my wife nuts going around imitating him. Well, not imitating him. I guess I do imitate him. According to reports, adults average laughing only five times a day. That my friends is the whole problem with the world. Children average laughing three hundred times a day.
Want to change the world? Want to make your life better,bring pleasure to your love life,lower your blood pressure,live longer?
"Green Acres is the place for me"
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
My Crapper and Me
Inspiration comes from many different sources. A poet may take a walk in the forest, or sit beside a sparkling mountain stream. Others seek Divine Guidance,observe people in everyday life. I find mine sitting on the crapper.
Yes, the privacy of the john affords a man the freedom to think, expand his horizons, and win the Nobel prize for making the world a better place.There is nothing I cannot achieve on the crapper.
It all begins very early in life and the experience remains deeply ingrained in our ego. After all, Mommy said we were good little boys and girls for successfully dumping our Gerber cherry desert in the porcelain god.Our ego was stroked. The blueprint for success became visible. All we had to do was successfully fill that darned old bowel, and we were gods and goddesses.
Not only were we praised for being good,the magnitude of our deposit was praised. Ah yes, Mommy thinks I am a good boy for using this damn thing, but I was special for producing a large log. Life was good!
It never leaves us. Come on, be honest, you still take pride in the size of your deposit. You can't fool me, you still look before flushing.Yea , I thought so.
And so, I find my ego in the crapper.It is there that the masters of the ages speak to me. It is there that I am filled with inspiration to become an author, a businessman, a president, a ---well a blogger. It doesn't get any better than that. Well, I have go for now. Mother Nature calls.
Yes, the privacy of the john affords a man the freedom to think, expand his horizons, and win the Nobel prize for making the world a better place.There is nothing I cannot achieve on the crapper.
It all begins very early in life and the experience remains deeply ingrained in our ego. After all, Mommy said we were good little boys and girls for successfully dumping our Gerber cherry desert in the porcelain god.Our ego was stroked. The blueprint for success became visible. All we had to do was successfully fill that darned old bowel, and we were gods and goddesses.
Not only were we praised for being good,the magnitude of our deposit was praised. Ah yes, Mommy thinks I am a good boy for using this damn thing, but I was special for producing a large log. Life was good!
It never leaves us. Come on, be honest, you still take pride in the size of your deposit. You can't fool me, you still look before flushing.Yea , I thought so.
And so, I find my ego in the crapper.It is there that the masters of the ages speak to me. It is there that I am filled with inspiration to become an author, a businessman, a president, a ---well a blogger. It doesn't get any better than that. Well, I have go for now. Mother Nature calls.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Bridging The Generation Gap
As you know by now, I am a seeker of word origin. Today's lesson will be trying to bridge the generation gap of words. I want to be with it, and not simply a relic of the past.So, I will take some words, names, and phrases from my youth and find the correlation with today's world.
Dolly Parton---weapons of mass destruction.ie:Dolly turned around and killed fifty innocent bystanders with her massive war chest.
Yogi Berra-----Tibetan monk,philosopher, and religious leader
LSD-----------Religious establishment based in Utah-ie:Presidential hopeful Romney regularly ingests the teaching of his church, and is not afraid of flying alone.
Hippie---------Valerie Bertinelli before she called Jenny
Chad-----------The Florida Secretary of State used Preparation H to relieve her hanging chads.
Groovy------Interstate 90 between CDA and Spokane
Elections------2000-if you have an election lasting longer than four months seek medical help at once.
Flower Child--Offspring of Bill Clinton and Jennifer Flowers.
You see, our generations are closer together than what you think.Words build bridges.
Dolly Parton---weapons of mass destruction.ie:Dolly turned around and killed fifty innocent bystanders with her massive war chest.
Yogi Berra-----Tibetan monk,philosopher, and religious leader
LSD-----------Religious establishment based in Utah-ie:Presidential hopeful Romney regularly ingests the teaching of his church, and is not afraid of flying alone.
Hippie---------Valerie Bertinelli before she called Jenny
Chad-----------The Florida Secretary of State used Preparation H to relieve her hanging chads.
Groovy------Interstate 90 between CDA and Spokane
Elections------2000-if you have an election lasting longer than four months seek medical help at once.
Flower Child--Offspring of Bill Clinton and Jennifer Flowers.
You see, our generations are closer together than what you think.Words build bridges.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The New York Bloggers
Dictionaries have their use,I suppose,but I believe that we should use our brains to figure things out.I mean, who made all these words up, anyway?And who says we have to go by what Webster says?Wasn't Webster a television show?
So, I set out again today to define words. One of the best methods for learning a definition of a word is to fit it in a sentence or a phrase, and the meaning should beomce crystal clear. Let's try it.
The word for today is "blog".
1. Dont' get your blogs in a bundle.
2.Dr, I think that I have a case of the blogs.
3.To blog or not to blog, that is the question.
4.I think,therfore I blog.
5.Have you had your annual blog shot this year?
6.The New York Bloggers win the World Series.
7.The WSU Cougars blogged it again.(for you Cougar lovers)
8.But ossifer,I only had two blogs.
9.I've had enough of your bullblog.
10. As Carl Sagan once said,"there are billions and billions of blogs".
OK, maybe my method doesn't work for every word. Oh Webster, where are you?
So, I set out again today to define words. One of the best methods for learning a definition of a word is to fit it in a sentence or a phrase, and the meaning should beomce crystal clear. Let's try it.
The word for today is "blog".
1. Dont' get your blogs in a bundle.
2.Dr, I think that I have a case of the blogs.
3.To blog or not to blog, that is the question.
4.I think,therfore I blog.
5.Have you had your annual blog shot this year?
6.The New York Bloggers win the World Series.
7.The WSU Cougars blogged it again.(for you Cougar lovers)
8.But ossifer,I only had two blogs.
9.I've had enough of your bullblog.
10. As Carl Sagan once said,"there are billions and billions of blogs".
OK, maybe my method doesn't work for every word. Oh Webster, where are you?
Friday, January 18, 2008
What the heck is an IPOD?
There are so many new things in the world that didn't exist when I was growing up,and I was ignorant of their meaning, so as a seeker of truth I set out to discover their real origins. Here are the results of my years of research and seeking.
Crack Addict-----Those low hanging jeans(you know the kind) that I saw on the street punks when I was living in Seattle
Pierce Bronson---The only part of her anatomy that wasn't
I Tune-----------Song written by me about me
Fax-------------What Sgt.Joe Friday was looking for on Dragnet
Blog-------------The offspring of a Black Bear and a Hog
Yogurt----------What Sylvester Stallone says when calling his friend Gertrude
Gigabyte--------Marks left by a prehistoric animal scientists call "The Gigasorrius"
Britney Spears--An ancient weapon used by the British
Paris Hilton-----A hotel in France
Euthanasia------Young people living in Asia
WMD'S---------Abbreviation for female physicians
Now you,too, can read the newspaper and know what is going on.
Crack Addict-----Those low hanging jeans(you know the kind) that I saw on the street punks when I was living in Seattle
Pierce Bronson---The only part of her anatomy that wasn't
I Tune-----------Song written by me about me
Fax-------------What Sgt.Joe Friday was looking for on Dragnet
Blog-------------The offspring of a Black Bear and a Hog
Yogurt----------What Sylvester Stallone says when calling his friend Gertrude
Gigabyte--------Marks left by a prehistoric animal scientists call "The Gigasorrius"
Britney Spears--An ancient weapon used by the British
Paris Hilton-----A hotel in France
Euthanasia------Young people living in Asia
WMD'S---------Abbreviation for female physicians
Now you,too, can read the newspaper and know what is going on.
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I had always thought that there was some type of Divine order to this chaos. I always wanted to believe that everything happened for a purpo...
